# 56 is done! *dances around*

I'm really, really glad to inform the general public that number 56 on my 101 in 1001 list, go back to Trogir and sit below the ceiling of its cathedral once more, is done, as of the day before yesterday. It happened totally on random, but it's been great. Thing is, I think they're cleaning it right now as we speak. So, had I come only a couple of months later, the feeling I loved would be gone, because the ceiling will probably be glittering white before the summer. I'm so glad I had the time and the opportunity to see it all black and ancient once more. It is going to take it some hundreds of years to become that dark again.


In the meantime, some really interesting (and quite dangerous, I might add) stuff awaits me this summer. Can't wait to face mortal danger and become a stronger person.

101 in 1001 - A Month Later

A couple of days ago it turned a month since I've created my 101 in 1001 list, and since I've been thinking about it quite a lot lately, I reckon' I'd write a post about the progress of the 101 things on the list - at least the ones I'm making progress in. It brings me great joy, and, after all, this blog does serve as a way to share my experience with the 101 in 1001 thing. Yeah, that's a lot of zeroes.

A month later, I've managed to finish three things - #9, wake up at 7 for a week (to study and live ;), #90, study without distractions for two-three weeks, and #6, publish at least one post a week for a month. I've made a great attempt at #1, go vegan for at least one month, but I've only managed to do two weeks before I went home and... no need to go further, I'm sure.

A couple of more are on their way - #4, #5, #28, #42, and #100, with #87 rising up every couple of weeks, when I find a new topic and explore it in great depths. It's funny, actually, I could have "finished" #87 a few times now, but I don't need to take it of the list that soon. I'll rather leave it open for future possibilities.

And now, a month later - how does it feel? It still feels great. I still have the feeling (although I don't need it that much anymore) that there are a few things that I can do even when everything else fails. But, more importantly, I'm still dreaming. The process of making it - and doing stuff from it - has got my imagination up and running, making my subconscious mind create all sorts of wonderful, fun things I could do in the future. Making me feel the world awaits me. And that, even more than any of the tiny "goals" on the list, is one hell of an achievement.

So, the list keeps rolling, in a way. My dreams keep growing, too. And, honestly, I'm in no rush to finish the list. Not because there's a lot of time left. Because I'm enjoying the process. I keep on doing it for a long, long time... and who knows where it all might end.

Forecast: Light Snow

You know when you start one journey or one project and another one just shows up, around the corner, demanding your attention? The same happened to me couple of days ago, during a conversation with my other half, when I realized that the time had come for me to redefine my sense of self. It's a tricky thing, this self. I thought I knew mine on a first-name basis, but now it seems that I was wrong all the time. Call it mid-twenties crisis, call it confusion (or even mental instability, if you will), the problem is as real as any (say, the exam I have tomorrow and should be studying for right now instead of writing).

The problem is - how do you do it? How do you find your lost self? I guess it's quite different for different people. I've always heard of counseling, meditation, taking a week/month off to go into an introspect inspection, or flying to a country you can't pronounce or even put on the map until you get there - to search for yourself in a different environment (or go meditate/pray/taste foreign cuisine). What when none of that helps or is available? Sure, I could try meditation, but I'm not a sit-and-think kind of person. (Maybe because lately when I do sit and think mostly I get depressed over my situation and the whole shite starts all over again.)

No, the way I chose was my 101 in 1001 challenge list. It was a way to regain control over my life via stuff that was really, really fun for me but also a bit challenging. It's stupid, I know. But I'm still kinda into it. Having finished my first challenge, #9 (waking up at 7am for a week to study and live ;), I'm currently into #1 (go vegan for a month). It's not much, but it's a manifesto of my desire to have my life roll out the way I want it to.

Because, one of the thickest roots of my dislike for my life had come from the fact that I don't like what I see in the future. I'm finishing college next year and thus ending my 17 year long relationship of love and hate with educational institutions. Seventeen years, that's three quarters of the orange called my life. No wonder I feel terrified at the prospect of having to find a real job (hopefully one I'll like) and settle somewhere so that the rest of my life can start. The day I get out of that institution for the last time and take the traditional train home will be the first day of the rest of my life. So, what am I going to do with my life? It probably would have been easier if I had chosen a couple of majors that would help me get a job I dream of in the future, but my motivation and desire had changed since I rolled into college and now I can't really say if working in my field of study would help me feel fulfilled. (There's only one way to find out, eh?)

Getting out of college, I'll have no money, no job, no place to stay except my parents' couch and absolutely no vision of what I want my life to look like. Sure, I do have some dreams, but they require down payments I won't be capable of for a good number of years. When I let my mind stray into that direction, it feels like all I have to do is work for money until I accumulate enough of it to start my own business. Maybe it does come down to that, but I don't want to postpone my life for even a second more. I want to feel alive. And, this time, heroic books and action movies will not do.

It hurts me (as it hurts all the teenagers enough well off that they never had to work for a living) to think that now I have to become a part of the mainstream public working at a job they hate to get the money they need to life the life they want to lead, and then get home way to tired to even try to lift themselves from the couch and go do something about their dreams. I do not yet have the skills (nor the motivation, honestly - it's all just in shades of gray for me lately) to design my life and lead the lifestyle of the free and determined. I'm not one to dream of everlasting travel, of working on the road, writing a blog and sending postcards to my mother. (One of the many problems I'd have with that is that I need my long-term friends and regular face-to-face conversations with them to keep myself sane.:) All I know - as of this weekend - is that I really want to work with people. This year it will be a summer job as a tourist animator somewhere on the coast of Croatia. Next year I'll maybe apply for a course for tourist guides. Who knows?

But, most importantly, when I finally do get over with college, I'm taking a break. (Currently I plan to keep it three months long, but who knows?) Until a week ago I wouldn't even dream about it, but then I finally realized that I need it - and that I have a right to do it. I've been quite a good student all my life (Hey, I live off sholarships!) and never had any real arguments with my family (except couple of years ago when I realized my choice of partner will not go along with their demands) or anything else that would qualify me for having to repay anybody anything.

When I realized that with the money from this summer's job (and maybe a few extra ones in the future) I could afford that kind of a break, it all started to have a tiny bit more sense. (Life in general had more sense, since I could relax a little.:) The sole idea of designing my own life (even if it's for only a couple of months) is so appealing that it gives me and instant boost of energy and self-respect every time I think about it. I'm gonna go to my family's house at one of Croatia's finest islands and stay there for three whole months. (Actually, it's and expanded version of #29 on my list.) I'm going to:

• write
• learn how to row a boat properly :D
• watch movies and tv shows
• take pictures
• exercise
• cook
• swim
• whatever my heart desires!

I need to write it down this way. I need to remind myself that it's coming. It's coming. The irony of it all is that I'll probably spend less for those three months than I used to for one month of college.

So, on days like these, when the forecast of "light snow" turns into "you might want to get up couple of hours earlier if you want to make sure you'll make it to work today", I just have to remind myself that I have time. I don't have to run anymore, I don't have to know right now what I want the rest of my 60+ years to look like. I'm 22, for goodness' sake. And I can afford a couple of months off to do what I feel like. Maybe even find out in what way I'm going to get myself the money I need to live out my dreams.

Maybe the next time when I get into one of my darkest (and most tedious) moods, this post (and the blog in general) will help me not to lose sight of the many possibilities the future is practically offering me on a plate. I just have to make sure I have the right cutlery to consume them with.

Finally, A Sunrise to Watch

After five days of trying to watch the sun rise, I've finally managed to get a glimpse of the red through the snow clouds this Sunday. Can you imagine the thrill I went through while rushing through the kitchen (yes, I am lucky enough to have an east-facing kitchen in this flat), opening the window in hope and finally getting my reward for a week of rising way too early and seeing just one sunrise in those six days?

Even better, half an hour later even the Sun itself showed up between the branches of the tree in its way and awarded me with my first real sunrise watch since it all started. Everything seems so much better now. I've instantly begun to sing a "sun song" in my mind and started to look forward to the rest of my day. (You know when a song sticks to your thoughts and you can't get rid of it through the whole day? For me, lately they're all songs that mention the sun. Today it was a U2 sun, though I can't remember which one exactly - I'll surely share them all with you in the days to come - they have quite a bit.;)

Now, it doesn't matter that I have loads of studying and essay writing to do, it doesn't matter that I'm scared as hell as what my future years will look like. I've seen the Sun. I can't really explain it, but it somehow charged my emotional batteries. (It definitely comes from two or more months of the winter that's behind me. Can't wait to finally see spring!) I think I'll probably extend the #10 on my 101 in 1001 list and continue to wake up and watch the sun rise for as long as I can. It's getting harder, though - the days are getting longer and the sun's getting up couple of minutes earlier every day. I'll soon have to chase it through the mist of rising even earlier, but hey, it surely is worth it. I'll just make sure tho check the weather prognosis in advance.

And I've just found out that this Monday is the first one to have daylight for 10 whole hours in my country. I'll make sure I use them all well.:)

Sunrise Watch (Day Three)

My "sunrise watch" every morning turned out totally different than I expected. Like this morning - the sky was just gray all over! There was no sun, no moon, no anything. I was awake at the "real" time of the sunrise, but saw nothing. And now, does it count as watching the sun rise or not? It does feel like it, but... I am counting it, but will do my best to replace these misty days with some real sunrise watching.

Why the sunrise watch? Well, it coincides with me waking up earlier (at 7) every morning to study for my upcoming exams, but, more honestly, I guess it all just comes from my watching the sunsets all my life. Haven't had that much of sunrises, though. Also, there's that urge to do something (at the moment, anything) considered at least a bit challenging, and, well, waking every day at 7 (and not having to go to work) to study and watch the sun does feel challenging. And, as always, there's that little blogging voice that said it all before - Leo@Zen Habits, in this case.

Waking up early - and doing stuff in the misty mornings - has already proven to be a great way to start my day. Sure, I'm still working on not feeling tired early in the evenings because of this, but I've realized - once again - that I am, in fact, a natural early riser. Add that... misty morning feeling, when everyone's still asleep and you get no distractions whatsoever, and it truly does make a great start.

Just to add to that, I'm already having plans on going some adventurous sunrise watching - this Saturday I'm going to see the sun rise between the spires of the Zagreb cathedral. (It's number 98 on my 101 in 1001 challenge list. :) It should really, really be fun. An uncle of mine used to take pictures of sunrises every day for a while, also at one interesting monument in Rijeka. (More about that later, when I have my photos to show. ;) It's almost like... the ancient times, when the Sun did control everyone's lives, and those tiny, most important seconds of the day were celebrated like almost nothing else.

(Eh, I do remind myself I'm a romantic, too, at times like these.;)

101 in 1001 (2 years, 271 days) Challenge

I picked up this idea sometime while reading Olivia's Powered by Tofu blog. The idea of doing 101 things that make you happy (or, at least, laugh) in nearly three years in the future makes me feel... like I've finally found a list of goals that I instinctively want to do. (I've read a lot about setting goals during the last year, and it's just recently been Leo of mnmlist.com to show me that there is no actual need for goals. I've never been so much goal-oriented anyway.)

There's a green status next to those already in motion. The stuff I do will eventually become orange.:)
I'm getting really excited about this!

OFFICIAL START: February 2nd, 2010
OFFICIAL FINISH: September 28th, 2012 (wow!)

(ps. It turns out it's really, really hard to find 101 doable things I'd love to do and believe are possible for me to achieve in the next three years. Which says, more than anything else, how little I think of my future and my own motivation. Still, it's a wonderful exercise.)

(pps. 101 is a lot of things!:D)

1. Go vegan for at least one month (done two weeks, will try again soon)
2. Earn 2k
3. Move back to Rijeka
4. Finish college (watch it burrrrn!)
5. Write 60 pages (palatino linotype 11) of prose that makes sense (14 so far, and counting :)

6. Publish at least one post a week for a month - done! as of February 23rd, 2010

7. Make tortillas at home at least once more
8. Take a one-person, one-week, one-bag, no-nonsense walking trip in my country

9. Wake up at 7am for a week (to study and... live) - done! as of February 8th, 2010

10. Watch the sun rise every day for one week (three down, a lifetime to go)
11. Never buy a pair of pants again but make my own (not really planning on doing this one, but still... who knows!)
12. Cook an edible, tasty dinner for 4-5 of my closest friends
13. Learn how to fry soy in breadcrumbs (or anything else, actually)
14. Try yoga
15. Go from 2kg dumbbells to 4kg-s
16. Try step aerobics
17. Have a Star Trek Marathon
18. Have a Star Wars Marathon
19. Have a Star Trek drinking game
20. Go back to Tuscany (a part of my heart will forever remain in those tiny, tiny hills)
21. Do a really big picture of a sexy naked person in multicolour pastels
22. Wear white for a day
23. Learn 20 guitar chords (know 4 so far)
24. Move in with my s. o. (will be hard to convince the other part of this equation, though...)
25. Save and invest 100$ in a cash-fund (yeah, I don't even have that sum yet... working on it)
26. Sell one bag I made myself
27. Wear only clothes I made for one day (still considering making panties, we'll see about that :)
28. Let my hair grow and have shoulder-length hair in my natural color before I cut it short again (growing...)
29. Having finished college, take a break and DO NOTHING for one month (will have to save some money before I put this one into motion)
30. Have a Buffy Marathon
31. Convince one other person to start watching Farscape
32. Write a fairytale
33. Dress up as a stranger on high heels
34. Learn how to drive! (not necessarily paying for the exam, though)
35. Design and produce a dress/outfit for at least one friend
36. Read Romeo and Juliet once more (loved it!)
37. Make a corset
38. Rent a flat in Rijeka
39. Buy cheap boots
40. Draw a sketch of my s. o.
41. Produce a tiny book (inspired by The Handbook for Exceptional People I saw yesterday in my bookstore)
42. Give away (to friends, I guess) or sell at least five books I own and have no need of (3 down, I've no idea how many more to go)
43. Take a hundred photos and do something with them
44. Live in another European city for a month (already done Berlin :)
45. Make syrup from mentha piperita by hand
46. Every day do something towards my need to be a minimalist and design my life :)
47. Have a normal-size rose in my house (preferably outside it, on a balcony or something), if possible, Barkarole
48. Have a mushroom-eating marathon (eat mushroom meals all day long for one day)
49. Do an Usagi-meal day (eat nothing but white food for one day - gnocchi, sour cream, rice, cauliflower... looking forward to this one! :)
50. Speak only Italian for one whole day (luckily most of my friends, including my s. o. and parents, understand it and quite a few speak it better than myself)
51. Collect and dry some herbs for tea with my mother
52. Sleep for one weekend at the inn at my favorite mountain peak, Snježnik (1506 m) (getting excited just thinking about it!)
53. Learn to play 10 Beatles songs on a guitar in correct chords
54. Practice and learn by heart Bach's Prelude No. 1 in C major (BWV 846) from Das Wohltemperierte Klavier
55. Listen to Beethoven for one full hour, doing nothing else except maybe writing my journal (possibly even longer)

56. Go back to the Trogir cathedral, sit there and just enjoy the ceiling without the professors' buzzing (yeah, I'm an architecture geek :) DONE! As of April 26, 2010

57. Keep my laptop alive and running until September 28th, 2012 (doing my best)
58. Switch cell companies for the less-expensive one
59. Convince my s. o. to go to hiking with me one day (difficulty rating... 12,5 of 10!)
60. Re-watch Battlestar Galactica (RDM version) from the start
61. Make a blastoff OST compilation and play it loud for myself for one whole day, while doing everything else
62. Get rid of clothes I don't like, need or use very much (all of them)
63. Don't talk to anyone at all for one whole day
64. Spend one Sunday in bed (possibly with order-in food and stuff like that)
65. Sleep on the floor (or some very, very thin mattress) for one week
66. Buy new eyeglasses, and a pretty pair this time
67. Play a GURPS campaign (if none available, convice someone to GM it, if that fails, play DnD instead)
68. Get myself an Anastasia dvd (lost the vhs months ago due to its... ancientness)
69. Find a building that I really, really like in my county and write my finishing paper about it
70. Thoroughly explore the idea of having a tattoo, the designs and my desires, to find out whether or not I'm having one
71. Give away half of my fittonias
72. Go watercolour or coloured pencil sketching outdoors
73. Do a really, really frightening high jump into the sea
74. Watch a Yes dvd with my s. o.
75. Finally go to Gardaland with my s. o.!
76. Get a new, solid cell phone
77. Write a novel (and maybe enter NaNoWriMo - it's actually possible I'll be entering it along with a friend who's interested as well!)
78. Make a really, really tasty vege dish with spices, especially ginger (!)
79. Finally have coffee with a new(er) friend from my library
80. Have a couple of my Zagreb friends come to my current flat
81. Have a cooking party!
82. Give a lecture/workshop on any of my favourite topics (maybe at some of our local SF/F conventions)
83. Host a VorQuiz at Istrakon (good I remembered that!!)
84. Read five books originally not written in English or Croatian
85. Take a picture of every building in Rijeka that I find interesting or, more importantly, beautiful, print 10-20 favourites and put them on a wall/door
86. Watch Fight Club (again) and Watchmen - director's cut (finally)
87. Learn a lot about one topic I know almost nothing of - say, meteorology
88. Have a movie night/afternoon at my place (it's been too long...)
89. Ride a machine

90. Study, without distractions, for the next two-three weeks - done! as of February 23rd, 2010

91. Make myself a woolen sweater in VERY vivid colours :)
92. Live for one month in Lumbarda, Korčula, but NOT during the standard summer vacation stay
93. Write at least 10 posts about personal finance for this very blog
94. Take a one-bag travel abroad
95. Paint (or decoupage) the kitchen door in my parents' flat
96. Lie still for an hour watching the night sky
97. Lie still for an hour watching the clouds pass
98. See the sun rise between the spires of the Zagreb cathedral
99. Make 38 sunrise photos
100. Publish 300 posts on this blog (in progress :)
101. Watch Gone With The Wind.



It took me three days to write this list. Hope three years will be enough to do it all.:) Compiling it has been incredibly, incredibly exciting. I feel better already just finding 101 fun challenges that I can do. There will be many more ideas on my mind, sure, but I'll leave them for some non-listed challenges. I think... it will be wonderful three years.